Be Yourself, Be Beautiful - Marla and Willow - Portrait - Eugene Oregon

We lost our mom during the pandemic. One of my biggest regrets as a portrait photographer is not taking more photos of her in the outfits she always wore and capturing her in the way I saw her everyday.

Willow has been one Lisa's best friends since they were in high school, and she worked with us to take headshot/portrait photos earlier this year. During the shoot, she told me she wanted to convince her mom to be in some photos. I really wanted to do it because I felt that I could take the photos I wished I had taken for my mother in law for someone else. We landed on the idea of taking photos in a very raw style with almost no make-up to show who Willow and her mom (Marla) are and what they look like at this exact time. (Willow had mascara on, and Marla had no makeup at all, which she said is her daily look.)

After the shoot, I learned how difficult it was for Marla to feel confident being photographed. She has always been camera shy and never really thought she looked beautiful. At the beginning of our shoot, I realized that she was worried to even look at the photos I had taken. As you can see, Marla is an incredibly beautiful woman. It is incredible how a society that seems to require certain things to be “beautiful” can make you feel that you don’t meet that arbitrary standard. In Japan, at least when I was living there, having a thick beard is considered “dirty” and not at all cool. As a Japanese guy who has a thick beard, I remember worrying about it all the time in Japan. Now? I grew full beard and am super happy that I don’t need to shave or pluck (if you can believe it!lol) everyday. This photoshoot was the one that made me realized that how scary a portrait photo session can be if you feel you don’t meet whatever the “beauty standard” in the place where you live. During the shoot, Marla got increasingly more excited, and started to become more creative as we began to create photos together. After the shoot, I asked her about beauty and her experience from this shoot. These are quote from her email:

Q: What does beauty mean to you?

A: I see beauty everywhere, I create beauty around me, but in myself it is much harder for me to see.

Q: When do you feel most beautiful?

A: Occasionally I will feel beautiful, but not very often. The woods and the water are my sanctuary, so maybe it's then. Or when I just have a good hair day, and wearing a cool outfit, I feel healthy, and everything is just going right that day.

Q: What does it mean to have your portrait taken with your mom/daughter?

A: Mother/daughter time has always been very special to me, since Willow was little. We have never taken the time to do photos like this together. It's hard to explain how special this was.

Q: This one might be particularly for Marla but how did you feel before you came into the shoot, and did you feel after. 

A: Before the shoot I was very anxious about having my picture taken. It's not something I like to do, as I have a problem looking at myself, seeing the reflection. Though I have felt this way my whole life (it was always better to be invincible with my family), getting older has even made this harder. It's never what I want it to be. The whole experience was enlightening for me. I saw once again that my edge is wanting to open my heart to love, loving myself, and everyone around me, especially those closest to me, which is my daughter and granddaughter. It all begins with loving myself, and this photo shoot was again a reminder of this. I walked out of the door after the experience feeling more in touch with myself, and how I want to move forward in my personal work. This experience is one that I feel everyone could use. Yes, there is an end result, which is of course great, but it is the process that was so valuable. I was elevated by the experience.

It is such a good reminder that what others see and how each of us feel about ourselves is different. After living through 3 difficult losses in a few months, I realized that I want my photos to be an encouragement  and to restore my subjects’ self esteem. We are all unique and that’s a good thing. It is my hope that I can keep photographing people’s uniqueness and show how beautiful they are. :)

Thanks Willow and Marla for trusting me!